June 25th, 2019

This beautiful place.

How can memories like this bring so much joy yet so much sadness? Yet they do.

I miss you so much Lauren Brown Accurso. We all miss you SO much. How are you not in these pictures? I look for you in them, like you’re going to appear somehow because honestly, how can these pictures exist without you?

It takes my breath from me and brings me to my knees that you’re not here holding our baby boy.

You both are EVERYTHING to us.

We made so many beautiful memories today and as the day came to a close, our little Naomi whispered so gently in my ear, “I miss mommy”.

I swept her up and brought her to the window, having no idea what I was going to say next, but God did.

We both gazed over the mountains and there, high above the hills, a single light broke through the clouds and I said, “that’s mommy baby, you see her?” She nodded. And then, as if God were moving the clouds just for her, another small light poked through and Naomi said, “and there’s baby Matthew!” I couldn’t contain the cascade of tears. We both had a beautiful moment and in that instance, I could see our 5 year old learning the rhythms of grace. Even through your passing, you’re still teaching our daughters how to see Jesus all around them.

We will never get over you. We will never stop telling all of the amazing stories about you. The memories will continue and our hearts will mend each day. And one day, the sky will open up and we will fly through those clouds above the hills. You’ll turn around with Matthew by your side and we’ll all be there. We’ll embrace you and live all of eternity together, forever.

When we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be, when we all see Jesus, we’ll sing and shout the victory.

I love you baby. I love you son.